I have been a thinker and not an acteur for too long. (I prefer the French spelling as it rhymes better!) My brain is always going to the point that my thoughts are on a loop, over and over again. This used to make me ill – dwelling on thoughts, what ifs would give me stomach churning instantaneous pains. Now I’m conscious of them and say: STOP, change the record, go and do something else. I have a whole range of activities to stem the chatter and get into the moment. But the time has come for ACTION!
I’ve spent the last ten years understanding meditation, mindfulness and tonnes of other stuff to help me be a better parent, have more meaningful relationships and really live my life in a way that I want to on my terms and not as I think ‘I should’. I have arrived at really desiring to be a “conscious creator” of my life.
I have the practices to be conscious, some of the time at least. I’ve re-found my creativity since being a Mama. I can put these two ideas together and consciously decide to create my own life. I enjoy writing them down, setting goals of how they can be accomplished, pondering incredible dreams, imagining fantastical scenarios and even feeling deep down bone stirring moments of excitement about all the possibilities in life.
And then comes the BIG: “BUT:” I have to act. (Interesting I looked up the French word agir this week and it is to act, very relevant!) This is where I falter, procrastinate, flounder, stall etc I can think of million words to describe my behavior. As I write this, I’m realizing that this is the first thing to do – stop the list of negative adjectives, it doesn’t help, one will suffice, acknowledge it, let it go and move on.
What’s the alternative to not acting in my life? Doing an odd commercial, thinking about all the roles I’d like to play, telling myself that I do have lots of talents which haven’t been found yet? The result would be disappointment that my goals stay on paper and my dreams unrealized. How crappy am I going to feel at the end of the year or when I happen to flick over my words which thankfully I write down.
Writing words down makes them more effective, as well as long-lasting and undeniable. They make us both inspired and accountable. We know this from school when we practiced spellings and revised verb endings over and over again par coeur.
So 2014 is the year I become an acteur in business not on the stage. My acting career began last year when I walked 500 miles across Spain on the Camino de Saint Jacques, leaving my family at home to have an adventure on my own. This was a personal foray into the arena of fulfilling a dream. Simply I did it!
My next challenge to create a successful business feels much, much greater than all those miles, blisters and fears I faced along the way. But it’s a dream and I can make them reality by acting – today and everyday. The first scene is the series of auditions I have lined up for the year which is to write on my blog every week of the remaining 50 weeks in 2014. Writing this down has confirmed it is the right commitment for me to make and ultimately achieve. This is a concrete goal, which I know not where it will take me, but I have to plan and act on my stage everyday, if I’m really going to get the lead role, which I know is mine for the taking if I get shit done.
Feel free to give me feedback, critiques and comments.. My Facebook Page is now my stage so if my style of acting doesn’t suit you then tell my agent and delete me from your books or whatever you do on Facebook.